I just breathed a deep sigh of relief, hearing my own thoughts, the quiet surrounding, the uninterrupted exchange of internal ideas....Nobody's home! YES! What can I say, I love my friends and family boundlessly, but I sometimes feel I lack the proper filters for existing on this earth as both artist and mom/wife/teacher/chief cook and bottle washer....The noise of the world encroaches and the noise of needs needs needs, everyone's needs but the still voice of unreason. The imagination's pictures, waiting to unfold, waiting until all has calmed down and daily duties (which are, let's face it, NEVER done) are put aside, start to slowly unravel before us. We cannot force them to come forward, nor can we coax them when things are hectic. At least I can't. This may well be the dilemma of an introvert. I have become SO much more extroverted and out in the world then I once was that I forget. Hello, somebody else is in there! The real somebody, or the original somebody maybe. Maybe not more important or real, but neglected in all of this hubbub of caretaking, and just living the physical existence. That inner time gets relegated to luxury, "special" time and I find myself lost and a bit of a bitch. Yeah this isn't only the introvert's problem, I'm thinking it's also a Mom problem, a woman problem. Cause, y'all, we are doing waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy too much.
So I'm taking a deep breath today, before students and instead of preparing or cleaning or shopping for items of food. And I'm listening in on the radio waves of my own grey matter. And it's raining which is as it should be.