What have I learned this week about "playing"? A big thing I have learned. I have learned that when you turn everything in life into an obligation, you take the fun out of everything. ! Yes, duh. So, if let's say I want to go out with a friend and I say, ok yeah let's do that this weekend, it will be fun and I put it down as a thing I am doing. But then, the night comes and whoops, I have a terrible headache. (yes, I get bad migraines, let's not even go there.) So now, ugh, do I really want to go? Not really, but I don't want to disappoint my friend, and not only that, I don't want to disappoint my own inner "I'm supposed to do something fun tonight dammit!" feeling. (OR is that a feeling? Maybe a judgement.) So now, I am going out cause I feel like I'm supposed to, thus destroying the fun of the initial plan, which I can't really experience anyway because I am feeling crappy! Any idiot could figure this out., but somehow it has eluded me.
In fact, posting a challenge on my blog about "playing" and creating new meaning in my life has lead to the same sort of feeling of, oh now I am not being successful enough at "showing" that I am doing this! Argh! Horrendous! So much self-referential angst! But this is an important breakthrough for me, cause I realize that I have been turning everything into an obligation born of responsibility, whether it be family things, or work things, or creative things. Even the daily walk I was enjoying started to become ho hum, drab, a duty. Killed it. (Well this winter didn't exactly help...)
How does one keep the play in play? stayed tuned.