What have I learned this week about "playing"? A big thing I have learned. I have learned that when you turn everything in life into an obligation, you take the fun out of everything. ! Yes, duh. So, if let's say I want to go out with a friend and I say, ok yeah let's do that this weekend, it will be fun and I put it down as a thing I am doing. But then, the night comes and whoops, I have a terrible headache. (yes, I get bad migraines, let's not even go there.) So now, ugh, do I really want to go? Not really, but I don't want to disappoint my friend, and not only that, I don't want to disappoint my own inner "I'm supposed to do something fun tonight dammit!" feeling. (OR is that a feeling? Maybe a judgement.) So now, I am going out cause I feel like I'm supposed to, thus destroying the fun of the initial plan, which I can't really experience anyway because I am feeling crappy! Any idiot could figure this out., but somehow it has eluded me.
In fact, posting a challenge on my blog about "playing" and creating new meaning in my life has lead to the same sort of feeling of, oh now I am not being successful enough at "showing" that I am doing this! Argh! Horrendous! So much self-referential angst! But this is an important breakthrough for me, cause I realize that I have been turning everything into an obligation born of responsibility, whether it be family things, or work things, or creative things. Even the daily walk I was enjoying started to become ho hum, drab, a duty. Killed it. (Well this winter didn't exactly help...)
How does one keep the play in play? stayed tuned.
This was an excellent post! It succinctly describes the very issues I struggle with on a daily basis. Thank you for this! I'd love to share it on my LiveJournal, anonymously of course. Would that be okay with you? If not, don't even have to answer.
ReplyDeleteI'd be happy to have you share this post. I do think this is an issue plenty of creative people struggle with, and probably women in particular. Thanks for the positive feedback. Feel free to post as a link to my blog or credit me, I have no problem with that. Nice quilting!
ReplyDeletei struggle with this tendency all the time. luckily, i'm surrounded by great friends who keep me honest and true to the idea of "play." it's always a work in progress though. great post!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for the sweet comments on my blog. Made my day :)
~Jazibelle
Copper + Lace